there is an african warlord in my nose

happy.birthday.dad

My mind is a black hole today. So much went in and only a little dribbled out.

Speaking about holes I read a story about

Shia LaBeouf

That could have been me, or any of us for that matter. I think hes gone beyond the Kaufman-esque trickery we were holding out for. What a shame. I am always in for an underdog and I thought he fit the bill nicely. His way screamed put me on a pedestal so you may rapidly cast a rock in my direction. Hes one of those guys, is it his look, his demeanor, his haircut? I dunno… but in secret he had my stamp of approval. When others said.. hes a prick I said who cares, when others said he cant act, I said give him time hes still young and I saw promise.. when some said transformers are more than meet the eye, I said I know.

But now… I think hes ruined. Maybe he wont self destruct to the point of blowing himself up or killing kittens with a hair dryer, but his innards are dissolved, irreparably defiled, its so bad you can see it from the outside.

His soul, you might say, if we all possess one… has been through the juice tiger. We, the public, have all passed and drank from the cup guzzling down the good happy bits.

Dont get me wrong becoming a celebrity has loads of inherit danger, mostly for self, and Shia surely knew this. The list is too many  and too ugly for me to even quip about. Lets just say it is a minefield of dog shit that stains the soul. It seems to me there are equal amounts of hardship and suffering as there are rewards.

More of the life of the artist, maybe a certain breed of person gravitates to this extreme lifestyle. The ache for approval before others, the glitter for glam and a legacy outlined in concrete. A lifestyle we mere mortals lust and drool over for we know no better. We fail to see the work, the toil, the practice, and relinquishing your rights to the public. Most of all we cannot conceptualize the gravity placed upon a celebrities life. The pressure cooker for every step and turn they take. We are always there, insatiable appetites demanding more.

The real travesty is that there is no cure. Maybe he was destined for this.. as is anyone with a sordid childhood, with looming demons that rape your innocence. We are hardened to him and others like him, because perhaps we think we could do better, they are weak and we care not to know why. Perhaps we have lost site of this because in our society, in our time, outbreaks of behavior like this are so common so widespread we ooze apathy, or maybe our souls are all spent up. Like Shia.

Hyperliving, in my opinion is oppressive to the organic bag of juice that I am. Not in a “I work for an African Warlord” sort of way. But in a slow the fuck down life is great, stop being a douche and look up from your phone once and a while. TO INTERACT, or enjoy a shit or for fuck sakes smell the god damn trees. The human is designed to eat, fuck, and use whatever it can, as fast as it can. This is how we have made it this far people! STOP-REFLECT-ENJOY. Stop the reflexive gagging that is your life.

The human can also adapt to much, but what makes us beautiful, creative, artistic and social is on the endangered list. Our emotive habitat is being slowly encroached upon. Eventually to be removed from the landscape as it seems to be no longer relevant in today’s lifestyle.

You are a depletable commodity people! Be careful with yourselves please…and Shia I hope you find your way.

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